Cottage Views

 

 

 

 

 

At The Right Time

 

 

 

 

StoryWorth - Question and Answer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Preface

My daughter asked me to do this StoryWorth Question and Answer project so I did.

It has brought back a lot of almost forgotten memories. It has also refined and improved some of my views expressed in my book "Where is Home?".

2024 has proven to be a very disappointing year from a morality perspective. This writing is another source that bears witness to the atrocities perpetrated.

Here is an online copy of what I have written.

 

 

 

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What advice would you give future generations in your family?

It is our relationship with our fellow living beings that gives life meaning. Be the best that you can be both mentally and physically so you can contribute optimally to these relationships.

On diet - Dr Georgia Ede - Diet, health and mental illness

Our minds and bodies are feeble so take time before making decisions. Use technology where possible and get a concensus where appropriate.

We all create stories to justify our lives and actions so be forgiving of yourself and others.

Don't promise. Let your 'yes' be 'yes' and your 'no' be 'no'.

Don't get into habits that you know are bad, and encourage habits that improves your wellbeing.

If it doesn't feel right then it probably isn't.

Your mind and heart should be in sync. Think again if they are not.

As an attitude for living, I like this quote:-
Carlos Castaneda, 'The Teachings of Don Juan'
"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length - and there I travel looking, looking breathlessly."

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What was your first big trip?

I've had lots of big trips (journeys or adventures) pretty much from birth. It would be hard to single one out because they were all significant to me.

I guess the earliest trip (that I have some reasonable memory of) would be my mother bringing us 3 kids back from Iceland to England to live with our Uncle Alf and family in the slums of Liverpool before moving on to find a place to live in Scarborough.

Alf lived in a two room apartment with his wife, Mary, and five children. The youngest was still a baby, Daniel, and the oldest, Mark, was about 6 years old. One room served as the bed-room. It had a large bed where all of the kids slept except for the baby. The other room was the living room and kitchen combined. Mary and Alf slept on a sofa bed. The bathroom was a communal bathroom shared by the whole apartment complex.

Alf graciously welcomed my mother and her three children into his home. Debbie was still a baby at this time. I was the oldest at 7 years old, and Kim was a year younger.

If you were to ask me if I had a father figure it would be Alf. Alf was a painter and decorator by trade. So there was always paint, and paint brushes around the place. After work he would clean up and shave in the kitchen sink. He would like to bet a small amount each week on the horses. He placed a small bet for me on a horse, Red Rum, in the Grand National. The horse won, and I think I got half-a-crown. I remember him as being happy and always having stories to tell. He would spend time with us boys, catching fish, playing football, and making a Guy Fawkes so we could wonder the streets with the Guy Fawkes in a pram shouting 'a penny for the guy'.

Later we all moved into a 3 bedroom terraced which provided a little more room for everyone. I remember a rabbit hutch in the back yard, and rabbits that had babies. I remember, jam butties or chip butties being our main dietary staple. I remember my dad coming to visit with his Icelandic girlfriend. I'm sure this was very traumatic for my mother. I remember being taken to the beach by my father and his girlfriend and having a really good day. I remember going to 'Christ Church Primary School' which was quite a jarring experience. Let's say that children in this school were a lot more 'free spirited' than the kids I experienced in the school I attended in Iceland.

Alf became a Jehovah Witness at around this time, and I remember having conversations with him about that decision, and about religion in general. He remained a Jehovah Witness for the rest of his life, and over the years we had many conversations on religion.

My mother moved us out to Scarborough. I remember the train ride in an old British carriage. We moved into a two bedroom terraced on Ewart Street.

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What's a small decision you made that ended up having a big impact on your life?

I have made quite a few decisions which have had a big impact on my life (and others), but I would not call them small decisions.

A small decision I made that has had a big impact on my life was picking up a book at a boarding house in (what was) Czechoslovakia, Prague in the early 1980's.

Up until this time, pretty much all of my readings were from technical books or new-papers.

I did read two 'required reading' books in school ('White Fang' and 'A Town like Alice'). I really enjoyed reading these books, but could never get into reading books (as a pass-time) primary because, for me, it took a great deal of effort with no obvious benefit. I would get bored within the first couple of pages, and there was too much going on to waste additional time and effort on reading.

Anyway, I was working in Prague for a few weeks, and we were staying at a boarding house slightly out of town. There was no restaurants or bars in the area, and the television entertainment was limited and not in English. There was a book-shelf though, and I pick up a book called 'The wounded Land' by Stephen Donaldson. Unlike other books, this book grabbed my attention from page one. Over the coming year(s), I ended up reading the full trilogy and a lot of other books by Stephen Donaldson.

This decision, made primarily out of boredom, opened up the world of reading for me. I could probably write a lot on what I have read and the benefits of reading, but in short about reading:

Surprisingly to me at the time, reading can be very entertaining. It opens up new worlds and new, often enlightening, ways of thinking. It reinforced how little I really know, AND (when you think of writing as an art) it shows how talented some people really are compared to my limited writing ability and imagination.

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What's the first major news story you can remember living through as a child?

We moved from Liverpool to Scarborough sometime around 1967. I remember we rented a room on Valley Road opposite our Aunty Pats place until my mother was able to buy a 2up/2down terrace on Ewart Street. She was very happy with the purchase because the older gentleman (selling) left all the furniture in the place.

The property had an outside toilet (outhouse), and a bathtub under the kitchen counter. We ritually took baths, once a week, sharing in each other's water. I remember skipping baths for extended periods of time.

We also had a coal fire in the living room for quite some time until we could convert it to a gas fire.

Kim and I shared bunk beds in one upstairs bedroom, and mom and Debbie had the second bedroom. Debbie was a toddler at this stage. We had Victorian style potties in both the bedrooms in case we had to do tinkles at night (we tried hard not to poo at night).

We had a lodger for quite some time whom I remember with fond memories. She worked for a while with my mother at Woodhead bakery. She slept on the couch. She went on to have two children of her own, and the last I remember of her, she was renting a place on Valley Road. I don't think she was married.

We obviously did not have a car, we also did not have a telephone, and for most of the time there we were without a fridge.

I do remember getting our first television (black and white). My mother rented it from a television electronics shop on Falsgrave. Kim and I would take turns holding (whatever we were using for) an aerial to try and get the best reception.

Only three shows/events stick out in my mind when watching this TV. The first was the movie "River of No Return". The second was the Olympics, and the third would be my first memorable news story which was the first Apollo moon landing. I got up very early in the morning to watch both the Olympics and the Apollo moon landing before going to school.

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How did you get your first job?

For me, as a youth growing up in Scarborough, there was one way to get a summer job, and that was to walk around the town asking in each store or business if they needed help. Lucky, Scarborough as a sea-side resort, was very busy during the summer months.

Almost invariably for four years (aged 13 through 17) I followed a similar routine. I would start in Falsgrave, walk up towards the town; down Victoria road; down to the market; and back up through the main part of town; and back through Falsgrave.

Invariable I would find a job. Other options included checking out 'Scarborough Zoo and Marine land' (no longer in business), and also going around the hotels on both South Cliff and the North Bay.

My first job (at aged 13) was working at Proudfoots food store in Falsgrave (now closed). I was paid £3.60 for a 20 hour work week stocking the shelves and refrigerators. I worked Monday through Friday four hours each morning.

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Did you have any pets growing up?

I had many pets, and many different types of pets growing up. Including wild ones. Each would be an individual story. Pets taught me about the fragility of life; the importance of being responsible; and that animals have feelings just like people. They can get excited; they can be disappointed; they can be afraid; and they often really care about their owners probably a lot more than many owners care about their pets.

Our family had a number of dogs while I was growing up. Two come to mind. As children, we were street urchins often wandering the streets before having to come in because it was getting too dark. One evening we found an old grey-hound up on Seamer Road (playing with the cars and buses as we liked to put it). The dog had been abandoned probably because she was too old for racing. We brought her home. My mother was not too pleased because we lived in a small two up two down place with not a lot of room for a large grey-hound. The dog became a part of our family, and we named her LJB, because these were the initials tattooed in her ear. LJB joined us kids on many adventures up into the quarry and further afield. Sometime later she ended up back up on Seamer road and under a bus. Three of her legs were broken. My mother spent a lot of money on vet bills. Sadly one of her legs would not heal and eventually she was put-down. That was an incredibly emotional period for me.

Sometime later (and because us kids were getting older) we moved into a larger three bedroom place on Asquith Avenue. My mother bought a small dog (a silver dappled dash-hound poodle cross) from the local pet store on Falsgrave for about £1.50. The dog had two names. One was Scramp because she looked like a scamp, and the other was Cindy - named after the first girl I was enamoured with (from my first school experience in Iceland).

Again, Scamp joined us on many adventures up into the quarry, around Oliver's Mount, and down to the beaches looking for fossils and catching crabs. Scamp was a bundle of energy. She could easily keep up with what were often day long adventures.

I went into the US Air-Force when I was 17 years old, and when I came back for a visit about a year later. Scamp had turned old. She couldn't keep up with me on walks any more.. That was also a sad moment. She died some time later, but I was in the Air-Force and was not around for the last period of her life.

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What was it like learning to drive?

Perhaps less than one in ten households owned a car when I was growing up in Scarborough - certainly none of my friends lived in homes with a car.

The youth (me at sixteen years old) aspired to own a moped. A moped was a 50cc bike which, by law, had to have peddles.

You could drive a moped at sixteen with a provisional drivers license which you could apply for through the local post office. At Seventeen, you could drive a 250cc bike with a full license, and at eighteen you could drive any bike (with a full license).

The moped, young boys aspired to, was the Yamaha SF or Yamaha SS with a top speed of about 30mph - blisteringly fast.

The price for such a bike was obviously way out of my price range. This was not an issue because public transport was great, and I could walk or use my 'racer push bike' to get everywhere I needed to go.

I left school at sixteen with plans to go on to 6th Form College. I attended an orientation at the local 6th Form while taking my CSEs (Certificates of Secondary Education), and then decided I would visit my father (who happened to be working up in Fraserburgh in Northern Scotland) before finding a summer job.

The journey up to Fraserburgh was a long train ride up to Edinburgh, with a change of trains up to Aberdeen and the last part of the journey was by bus.

At the time, Fraserburgh was so small I doubt it could be considered even as a village. There was a local bus-stop café from which I called my father to let him know that I had arrived. He showed up, about half an hour later, on 'guess what?' a Yamaha SS moped. My father was using the moped to drive Eed( his second wife), baby Sophie, and himself wherever they needed to go (locally).

Since I had my provisional driver's license my father let me use his bike to get around for the period I was there (about a week). My first experience of driving was riding this bike along the dirt farm track/roads, and a couple of trips into Fraserburgh.

Upon returning to Scarborough, I learned that I did not have the appropriate CSE results to go onto 6th Form College - so got a job as a butcher at 'Horsely Butchers' in Falsgrave. I applied to take night classes (mainly in math) at the local technical college.

I tried joining the RAF at a recruitment office in York, but was turned down because I was a US national, and I started to explore how to join the USAF.

I learned that I could join the USAF through the air base in Alconbury. I needed to be seventeen years old and have my father's permission. So I started making train journeys down to Alconbury.

On my first journey, I showed up at the gate and told the security police (SP) that I wanted to join the Air Force. (that was the obvious approach for me because that was how I applied for all of my previous jobs). Luckily the SP had the wherewithal to direct me to the base personnel office (CBPO)

Six months later, and after I had turned seventeen, I made a trip down with my father so he could give his permission for me to join and to take tests to see what career paths were open to me in the Air-Force.

My last summer job in Scarborough was working on the trampolines on the South Side beach. It was the summer of 1976 (the warmest summer on record at that time). It was a great job. I learned to trampoline, and was as brown as a berry.

I left that job and England on a C130 flight from Alconbury to McGuire Airbase and then onto LackLand Airbase in San Antonio for basic training in September.

After two weeks in Basic Training, I received my first pay check. It was more money than I had made all summer working on the beach. I was also amazed at all of the food available to us at the chow halls, and chocolate milk (I had never had chocolate milk before or pancakes or real hamburgers).

We had a day off during basic training and we went into San Antonio. I had my first Mexican meal. I was blown away by the whole experience.

After basic training, and tech-school, and a short trip back to England, I ended up at my first post which was Little Rock AFB in Arkansas. It was apparent, straight away, that I needed to drive and get a drivers license.

My first boss (Tech Sergeant John Kerr) was a great person. He arranged team camping events at Hebrew Spring lakes; he often had barbeques at his place; and he took me out for driving lessons in his pick-up truck. With his help, and with help from other friends I got my driver's licence, and my first car - a 69 Mustang (a real Fix or Repair Daily project).

I learned a lot about cars and drinking beer working on my Mustang at a friend's house (Staff Sergeant Wilmer Witcop).

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What were your least favorite school subjects?

I did not like school. I was not good at it. Perhaps it was because I started school late (six years old in the US school system on a US air base in Iceland). This put me a year or two behind my peers in the UK school system. Or perhaps I had more interesting things on my mind such as catching crabs or searching for fossils.

School was just a bad experience for me from beginning to end.

It wasn't until I left school, and went into the USAF that I started taking a proactive interest in learning. Initially because it affected my pay-check and later because I could see real value in understanding different functional areas in the work-place such as finance or accounting.

Later I took up an interest in subjects such as history and geography mainly as a way to understand humanity. This was not how history or geography was taught when I was in school. In school, history was taught a series of historical events without any real explanation for why those events took place.

Geography was pretty much the same. It was about a place called such-and-such, and they grew these crops. There was no history of the politics or anything meaningful on the culture or religious influences in the region.

I did well in mathematics, but not because I enjoyed math in school. There were two reasons. The first was because in my subconscious I knew I was going to end up in a technical field such as electronics. My father was in a technical field and I was going to do something similar, and the second reason was because my mother paid for me to have a private math tutor. That made all the difference.

In school, mathematics, was like pretty much all subjects. It went right over my head. The teacher would talk and perhaps explain stuff on a black board and perhaps some students were following along, but not me.

I learned how to write after several years in the work-force when a secretary put me on an English grammar course.

The eye opening experience of that, for me, was that people were not going to read what I wrote unless my writing was easy to follow and made sense.

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What were memorable vacations from childhood?

We did not have vacations when I was growing up.

Firstly, because Scarborough was possibly the most famous UK Sea-side resort town.

Up until the early 20th century fishing had been its main industry, but from the Victorian era onwards holidaying had become more and more it's main commerce.

The ten, or so, years that I live in Scarborough (the late 60's to the early 70's) were perhaps the last years that it could be considered as a fishing town in any meaningful way. Although, there is still some fishing industry of sorts even to today.

Its position as a favorite holiday destination was also in steep decline, in preference of more sunny destinations such as Spain.

Secondly, we were not a family that could afford holidays. My mum had a childhood friend (Grace). We would often visit her family in Wigan, and we would often visit Alf's family in Liverpool, but more often than not they would come visit us in Scarborough, and we would all enjoy the tourist attractions Scarborough had to offer.

Up until the 70's, holidaying for most, was visiting coastal sea-side resorts like Scarborough. In the 1980's that changed because of cheap flights to European destinations. UK Sea-side resorts fell into disrepair with high levels of unemployment from the 1980's onwards. Although, I would like to think there has been a little bit of a revival in the last decade or so.

I did have one memorable vacation though. I went to the 'Graham Sea training School' for my secondary education. During my last year of school, I was selected along with another boy (Martin Crosby) to spend two weeks down in Portsmouth on board the HMS Foudroyant - a ship build around the 1780's. The idea was to gain nautical experience, and an understanding of what life would be like in the navy. We learned how to sail both large and small boats; how to make and sleep in hammocks; and many other naval tasks. It was a great experience. I'm not sure why I was selected, but it was a great privilege.

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What simple pleasures of life do you truly enjoy?

At my age I like people around me to be happy, and enjoying life. My grand-daughter visits three mornings a week before going to school. This makes me happy because my wife and grand-daughter happily play computer-games together on these mornings.

I also enjoy going to the beach especially if I go swimming. I don't know why, but I truly enjoy the sea-side. I'm not sure if I would enjoy it so much if I lived close to the sea...

I do not like going to the gym, but I really appreciate the energy and strength I gain from this activity.

I do not enjoy the arduous discipline required sometimes in following a daily routine, but I really appreciate the results of such a life-style on my health and wellbeing...

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How would you describe your grandparents?

I really did not know my grandparents, but let me put some thoughts out around the subject.

The question brings to mind the fragility, and fragmented nature of the fabric of life.

One of my sons' (Stephen) wife (Michelle) has just given birth to a baby girl (Felicity). What is well understood (scientifically) is that Felicity contains the DNA of both Stephen and Michelle. What is less well understood is that there is a life force (what I will call consciousness) is also transfered from Michelle and Stephen to the new baby.

This new consciousness cannot speak or understand most of what its parent consciousness's can understand, but is (in every sense) the full essence of the consciousness's from which she was spawned.

Another son (Derek) has a dog (Odie). In the week, I was staring directly at Odie, and he was staring directly at me. I was trying to understand what was going on in his mind. The stare in both directions was intense. Odie, like me, has two eye-brows and he has two eyes. Although we cannot talk with words we are both consciously aware of each other. Somewhere, in some distant past, we are spawned from the same consciousness.

I do not know my grand-parents or anything of the trials and tribulations of their lives. Maybe this is a good thing. I am of their essence though. Their consciousness lives on in me and in my children and grand-children.

What little I know of my grand-parents is as follows.

On my mother's side:

My grandmother (I think her name was Mary (Mary Smyth)) developed some kind of mental issue after giving birth to her last child, Robin (something to do with her milk turning sour - not something that happens today). She ended up in a mental institution near Liverpool (which I believe is closed now). I did visit with her once as a child. She seemed like a really nice lady. She was in a relationship with another one of the patients.

I do not know the name of my grandfather on my mother's side. He was in the war, and stranded on a life-boat in the Atlantic at some point in time. He divorced Mary sometime after she went into the institution and I believe he re-married.

On my father's side:

Ida May- my grandmother - lived most of her life on the side of a mountain in California. She was divorced from her husband, my grandfather, Matthew. Matthew ran a painting and decorating business in Los Angeles.

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What was your dream car?

I don't dream about cars. They are nothing more than a potentially very expensive utility.

Cars do bring back memories of significant periods of my life though. In short, these are as follows:-

I purchased my first car at the Little Rock AFB lemon lot shortly after passing my driving test. I remember setting a min-max criteria for the car I wanted. I wanted the least expensive to purchase and run, and also maximum performance. I liked the 'Ford Granada' and the 'Mercury Monarch', but they were way out of my budget. In the ignorance of youth, I went for flashy and bought a '69 Mustang' for $1200. It was a lemon! A 'Fix Or Repair Daily'. It served me well for much of my time at 'Little Rock AFB' though. I cemented good friendships and learned a lot about cars while drinking Coors beer, and fixing various issues with the car on the weekends over at a friend's house (Wilmor Whitcop).

I had various other cars, but probably the next car worth mentioning was a little four cylinder manual shift Chevy Chevette. I was working for 'Frank Beier Radio Company' down in New Orleans at the time. The Chevy was a company owned car. I first drove the car when I was working with a colleague on a repair job of a radar system on a Cargo ship that was navigating its way up the Mississippi river. I had to get off the ship to drive the car up river in order to follow the ship. I had never driven a manual shift before. It was a challenging experience not least because I had to first back the car out a steep decline into a ditch. I purchased the car from the company for a few hundred dollars shortly later. It was the car I used to drive the family up to Washington DC to join the State Department.

The next car would be an Austin Alegro which I drove in England for several years. The car died on its last journey up to Scarborough, and just before we moved back to the States (Washington DC).

The next car worth mentioning would be a little Toyota Tercel which we used to drive across country from Washington DC to Bend Oregon. We drove that car for several years before buying a Honda Accord (my first new car purchase) which we drove back across country and then took it onto Greece.

My most recent car is a Toyota Prius which I have been driving for the past 16 years. A very reliable car - highly recommended.

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What was your mom like when you were a child?

My mum was selfless. Everything she did was for the good of the family...

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What song always brings back a particular memory?

Songs, or music, or music genres always bring memories of particular era's. This is probably true for everyone...

The first song I can remember, is 'How much is that doggy in the window. The one with the wagglely tail.' My mind goes back to when I was 3 or 4 years old - Pre living in England.

'Country and Western' music reminds me of my time in Texas (technical training at Sheppard AFB).

'Free Bird' and 'Stairway to heaven' also remind me of my time at Sheppard AFB and the Airman's club.

Motown music along with the Bee Gees reminds me of my time at Littlerock AFB.

Diana Ross albums and the 'Bat out of Hell' album, by Meat loaf, have stayed with me over the decades since the 80's.

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What things are you proudest of in your life?

I do not do pride. The same as I do not do promises. As Jesus put it, both are from 'the evil one'.

A couple of examples of pride:-

Cameron was beside himself with pride at the role of British forces in murdering Gaddafi and destabilizing Libya.

Many Israelis are proud of their role in murdering hundreds of thousands of Palestinians (mainly women and children).

Regarding promises - ask yourself two questions.

Who's Promised Land?

Who did the promising?

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How do you want to be remembered?

What other people think about me is not significant to me, and it will be even less significant when I pass away.

How I think about myself is important to me, but will not be important when I am no longer around.

Hopefully, I have effectively shared positive ways of thinking and doing during my life, and where I have fallen short, others have learn from my short-comings.

My view is to look to the future and not dwell too much on the past. Do the best you can with the tools and opportunities that life has provided you...

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What is one of your earliest childhood memories?

My earliest child-hood memory is actually a dream. In my dream, I am either escaping from a laundry hamper or escaping to a laundry hamper across a living room floor. I also have a blocked nose, BUT not in the traditional sense. Something is stuck up my nose. I eventually snort it out. It's some kind of white bone or toy block. I then wake up...

I don't know why this dream sticks in my mind but it does...

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What was your worst boss like? How did you deal with them?

I really haven't had a worst boss. I've had bosses of differing levels of experience, and with differing psychological issues, and with differing work ethics to my own.

My advice to myself (and to my children) has been do your job and stay out of office politics. AND if you don't like what you're doing find another job before quitting...

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What's one of the most beautiful places you've ever been?

Two places stick out - Yosemite National Park in California, and Dubrovnik in Croatia. Both are places of exceptional natural beauty, and they are both very well managed tourist destinations.

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What talents did you always wish you had?

Writing - Technically, I can write, but I have very little imagination.

Creating music, writing songs, or the ability to sing.

Both have the capacity to invoke strong and meaningful emotions.

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What book has made a significant difference in your life?

Let's say two books - 'The Bible' and 'Wild Swans Three Daughters of China', and for similar reasons. They both help explain mass psychosis and how people can do incredibly cruel things when they are psychotic.

In my early youth I spend a good part of my time trying to reconcile what I read in the bible with what various religious organizations would want me to believe, and with what I knew intellectually. I invented elaborate stories to explain the discrepancies. I think this is a good example of a psychosis.

In 'Wild Swans Three Daughters of China' the story is similar in reconciling the utopia envisioned by Mou with the reality of Communist China.

As a result of these mass psychotic delusions people have brutally murdered in numbers too large to image.

We may well be heading for World War Three because people have no grasp of critical thinking.

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How has the country changed during your lifetime?

Two countries are significant in my life - The United States and England.

The first few years of my life were spent in various countries. When my parents divorced my mother came back to England with three children. I was six years old and the oldest.

I lived in England from the age of six to the age of seventeen when I went into the USAF.

Three things struck me upon my arrival in the US. The first was how friendly people were. The second was the extreme heat. The third was the exceptionally high standard of living compared to what I was accustomed to in England.

Over the years, the pendulum has swung from good to bad in the US,

and from bad to good in England.

I could go into the quality of life, and plusses and minuses of living in both countries but I do not think there's much mileage in that.

I'm currently completely disappointed and ashamed of both countries. The US for Trump and genocide, and England for Brexit and genocide.

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What is one of the best photographs you've ever taken?

To me, photos are snapshots in time. We tend to rush through life and not appreciate the many moments which give our lives meaning. Snap-shots in time (photos) often recall events and periods within which we were happy or content. At the time, we often do not realise the value of the moment.

Without photos those moments would be lost for all eternity.

Facebook has proven useful in maintaining a kind of photo historical record of important moments in our lives.

I cannot say which are my best photographs. I've had many, many, many happy content moments many captured in photography.

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What stands out as one of your most meaningful projects?

I'm very old. I have had lots of meaningful projects! And really before answering, I would have to ask meaningful to whom? And meaningful for how long? A lot of projects have meaning when they're being implemented, but lose their significance when the project is complete or after a significant period of time after the project is completed. Everything is transient, and certainly all of the significant projects I have been involved in have been lost in the annals of unimportant forgotten history.

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What do you consider one of the best days you can remember?

I remember as a child waking up really early on Christmas day to see what presents were under the tree and being very happy, but since those days I have not put one day above another.

I really forgot about the significance of gift giving up until my grand-daughter received a present from one of her friends in play-group, and it made her extremely happy. That made me happy. Also, A similar situation with my dog, Bonnie. My daughter-in-law gave Bonnie a squeaky, and Bonnie was beside herself with happiness - which made me happy.

I never really knew my father, but when he did visit, he always brought gifts. I always felt the gesture was disingenuous (which it was) so I have always resisted giving gifts at least out of a feeling of social convention.

To me, spending time with people makes for a good day. Or moments in time sitting with nature is enjoyable.

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What have been some of your life's greatest surprises?

Brexit and Trump! In my world fascism is frowned upon. I'm not saying it did not exist in my early years. It certainly did. It was expressed in the media and often by the more ignorant of people.

In my view, from my twenties to my fifties, England was going from strength to strength in no small part because of the UK's relationship with the EU.

Two of my sons have PHDs in no small part because of the EU, and there has been plenty of jobs in the UK - again, in no small part because of the EU.

In my view, the British were becoming a lot more liberal and better human-beings. I was more than a little shocked when over half of voters voted for Brexit. It revealed an under-lining fascism which I thought had pretty much died out in the 70's, but had obviously not done so. England has become a meaner and poorer country since Brexit.

In the US, and Trump, I remember an America in the 70s/80s that was open and welcoming (there was underlying racism towards black-Americans, but as a country to foreigners it was welcoming).

I've been incredibly disappointed with this whole Trump/Brexit fascist era.

So yes, what has happened in the US and the UK over the past 10/15 years has been surprising, disappointing, and depressing.

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What are your favorite places to spend time in the summer?

The Beach -

As a child, I spent long periods of time on Scarborough beaches and walked the coastal paths between Robin-hood's Bay and Scarborough.

I have made yearly visits to Cornwall and Wales for the past 30 years to spend time on the beautiful beaches and to do coastal walks.

I enjoy the, often strenuous, hikes along coastal paths for the exercise; the fresh air; and the stunning views.

I like to find nearly deserted coves along the walks both to explore and to go swimming. I enjoy swimming in the ocean because it is cold and invigorating... I like having the beech and ocean to myself.

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If you could have dinner with anyone - living or dead - who would it be?

My mother, and for no other reason than to just have some time with her.

She passed about 40 years ago now, and left a big hole in the family. I believe she had a good life. Although parts of it, I'm sure, was difficult (raising myself and my two sisters by herself).

If you believe in destiny/god, you might say she left at the right time. I do not know the validity of that statement.

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What are you superstitious about?

I stopped being superstitious in my mid-twenties when I stopped entertaining the existence or the integrity of the biblical god. I also stopped believing in statements like 'What will be will be'.

While we do not have control over a lot events that go on around us, we do have reasonable control over ourselves if we choose to exercise that control.

Life shows that those that think they can, and those that think they can't are invariable both right.

AND, I believe, even if you can't and you know the probabilities are high that you will fail, it is still, more often than not, worth doing - One step at a time.

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If you could hold on to just one memory from your life forever, what would that be?

A Reference for some of the below can be found in a Netflix documentary - Homo-Futurus...

Memory can be broken down into two distinct types - much as a computer's memory can be broken down into two distinct types (permanent memory and non-permanent memory).

With living things, permanent memory is often referred to as instinctive memory. It is what is written into our DNA or genes. It is the memory which allows a couple of cells to mutate into a living being of the correct species and to have the basic building blocks necessary to survive as that species.

Around 60 thousand years ago, what we consider modern humans came into existence. Current research suggests this was due to an evolutionary modification of a bone at the base of the skull known as the sphenoid. This is the first bone formed by the foetus and determines the species of the life form.

We share 98% of our DNA with chimpanzees. The distinguishing feature between us and chimps is this bone. This bone determines the shape and size of the skull and affirms our ability to walk up-right, and speak.

Some ten thousand years ago we developed the ability to read and write amongst a minority of humans. Some hundred years ago a majority of people attained the ability to read and write.

Reading and writing has allowed humans to record short term memory and to share thoughts globally, and from generation to generation.

It is widely believed that the ability to read and write allows humans to refer back in history, to past events, and to learn from those events.

This may be true when it comes to physical or technical endeavours (each new attainment builds upon and improves previous achievements), but psychologically this is a lot harder to demonstrate.

Children invariably repeat the mistakes of their parents. Currently, Netanyaho's regime is murdering hundreds of thousands of children.

In the holy-lands, and across the world, there are cycles of vengeful violence to which there seems to be no end. It is unclear how much (if any) of this cycle of violence gets written into our DNA.

Much of it is recorded in our written history though. Another concern - Polling suggests 80% of voting Americans will vote for a presidential candidate that does not represent their interests. Perhaps it's because they believe they are voting for a lesser of evils or because that is how their parents vote or because they are easily susceptible to gas-lighting by the media - Regardless it is not intelligent and potentially devastating to humanity.

Evidence suggests that from some five hundred years ago the sphenoid bone, in humans, started a new evolutionary modification. Orthodontists around the world are working on the teeth of many children to compensate for this change. The ramifications of this change is unclear, but are probably irrelevant because the deficiency in human psychological abilities suggest we will not survive long enough to realise this change.

Different species can hold short term memories for varying periods of time. It's believed, for example, that ants have a very short 'short term memory' (seconds or perhaps minutes). They rely on scent to remember their way from food source to food source and back to their nest. Most of their actions and memories are stored in instinctive (or long term memory).

Humans, and other larger brained animals, have the capacity for much longer 'short term memory'. They are more reliant on their short term memory for survival.

We are an ever shifting stream of thoughts, feelings and experiences (stored in memories). In the physical realm there is no eternal or perpetual us. We go through a limited stream of events (they become memories) and then we die. What survives, physically, is the instinctive memory of us in our genes/DNA.

Clinging 'to a memory' or 'an emotion' or to a 'set of beliefs' as if it's a vital part of 'our being' is a major cause of suffering, and probably is a significant flaw in our psychology.

Many believe, and I would like to believe too, that we know instinctively, what is good and what is bad. We should follow what we instinctively know to be good, and not let what we have stored in our short term memory distract us down a path of bad or delusion and perpetual misery.

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What are some of your favorite family traditions?

I don't think I/we've ever had family traditions (except the normal Christmas type stuff etc). There has always been family routines (and division of labour) - I think most families follow routines otherwise most families could not function.

Without doing research, I would guess that traditions are typically routed in historic events. I tend to live a secular life, and generally believe that the past should be left in the past so traditions are unlikely to resonate with me.

I do worry that some traditions, such as war memorial traditions (that are meant to be a reminder of the horrors of war) tend to become a glorification of war. Fascists seem to gravitate towards these events and highlight them in arguments to validate potential current conflicts. The annual Orange parades in Northern Ireland is a case in point.

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Which musicians or bands have you most enjoyed seeing perform live?

My brother-in-law, Chris, plays in a band, and so does his son, Mark. I enjoy watching these perform either together or as separate venues.

I really don't go to music festivals, and it's highly unlikely I will ever go specifically to watch someone perform unless I know them personally.

Even in my youth, I could not understand why people would want to go out of their way to see a musician or band perform.

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Have you ever been a hero to someone. Has anyone been a hero for you?

What is a hero?

We all play roles, and we're all inter-dependent. Society tends to break down when we do not self-regulate and we're lazy at meeting our obligations to ourselves and others.

I guess a hero is someone that fulfils their roles diligently. Not too many meet that criteria fully.

A hero could also be someone that takes on additional roles or responsibilities when there is no expectation to do so.

The antithesis to hero would be someone that puts their own desires above the needs of their family and society (and in some cases above the needs of humanity). Sadly, people like this exist. The media, society, and governments often hail them as heroes when in reality they are manipulative parasites (liars).

Humanity wins when beliefs and goals are to 'meet our obligations to ourselves and others'. The first option in the table below.

Sadly, individuals and society can be lazy, and we often fall into the bottom three categories.

Self	Society	Character
win	win	hero
win	lose	parasite
lose	win	victim
lose	lose	stupid

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Have you ever experienced a sever storm?

One comes to mind from when I was in the Air-Force. I was stationed at Little Rock AFB in Arkansas. The team I worked with had responsibility to go out to various missile silos in the area to perform maintenance on the communication equipment.

One spring afternoon we were driving back from a silo. The weather had turned grey and the wind and rain began to pick up drastically. We all thought that there was potentially a tornado. We could not see more than inches outside the truck.

The correct protocol for this situation was to get out of the truck and get into the nearest ditch - which we did. We all got totally drenched as we crouched in the ditch for several minutes. Eventually, we got back into the truck and continued our journey. The driver could just about make out the road ahead. There was no tornado - Just a typical Arkansas thunderstorm.

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What things have mattered most to you in life?

Feeding my family and paying bills. Everything seems to revolve around meeting these requirements.

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What activities have gained new meaning or importance for you as you've gotton older?

What I'm about to say, I think, applies to everyone, but I'm not so sure that it does. I've broken this down into three areas:-

1. philosophy/religion

2. employment/education

3. health/fitness

1. philosophy/religion
As we grow, and age, we learn. As we learn and gain in experience and maturity we cast aside old beliefs and goals and strive for objectives that better reflect our greater experience and knowledge.

We all strive for truthful understanding. I think this is true of most people (but maybe not).

In my youth and early adult life I was told that the truth can be found in religion. I always struggled with this because of conflicting religious messaging and conflicts with religious 'truths' and object reality.

With age, I learned that religion (Abrahamic religions) had several objectives - none of them to do with the truth.

a. At a benign level, religion is about fostering self-regulation. Without self-regulation we have anarchy.

b. At a malignant level, religion is about genocidal intent towards those that are different. It also does NOT tolerate self-sovereignty (people that think independantly).

c. Religion also serves as a means of preserving historical events. Although these events are invariably maintained in an untruthful way or spin.

So in summary. In my youth I was manipulated into believing that the truth can be found through religion. As I aged I realised that this was a lie. Currently, I'm exploring how the lies of religion manifest themselves into horrendous events such as what is happening in Gaza right now, and I do my best to educate people on the subject too.

2. employment/education
Since leaving school at sixteen, I have always studied technical material. This has helped me maintain my employment throughout my work career. Now that I am at retirement age, I still enjoy technical learning, but I am significantly less motivated. Right now I am looking for an incentive that would make the effort worthwhile. I guess this is a hurdle most people face. I've been lucky in that I have been able to maintain employment momentum throughout my working life. I think many are not so lucky.

3. health/fitness
I have always been health conscious. In my youth I could get away with unhealthy activities for long periods of time and recover relatively easily. For example, I could eat vast amounts of food, or drink large amounts of beer, or go extended periods of time with no exercise, and get back into a healthy routine and my body would recover. With age, the recovery process is a lot harder. I maintain regular exercise and restrict my diet for this reason.

My recommendation is to stay healthy. For many, the recovery bath is just not there.

On diet - Dr Georgia Ede - Diet, health and mental illness

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Are you same person you were as an adolescent, or very different?

I'm just going to quote from Muhammad Ali in response to this question:-

"The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."

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What things do you think you couln't live without?

There is a whole host of things that we all take for granted. If these changed or were taken away, all of life would disappear on our planet.

But on a personal level, and at my age, I like my daily routines and I get irritated if things that I take for granted, as part of my daily routines, are not available. For example, I drink mainly coconut water now instead of milk, and I get irritated if it's not available at my local stores.

A lot of people have serious health issues and they rely on certain medications being available at their local pharmacies, and due to changes over the past decade+ many medications are in short supply or not available. Luckily, I don't have this issue, but I would be really irritated if I was in this situation - especially knowing that many of my neighbours knowingly voted to self-harm in this way and in many other ways.

Elections coming up in November, and polls suggest 80% of voting Americans will vote for evil and to self-harm.

I think, in the next decade, we're all going learn, rather painfully, how dependent we are on the system.

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Who was your favorite high school teacher?

I really did not have a favorite high-school teacher. My teachers did the best as they could given the environment within which they worked, and their own individual personalities and ability to coup with chaos most of the time.

My high-school years were a period I worked through in order to move onto the next phase of my life - where the real learning began...

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How has your life been different than what you'd imagined?

As a teenager, with no responsibilities, I could image myself getting involved in all kinds of adventures. I had an interest in geology, and I imaged myself wondering the world, primarily South America, exploring geological and archaeological sites. Something along the lines of Graham Hancock.

I read the book 'Chariots of the Gods' as a teenager, and that really stimulated my thoughts towards a life of adventure.

Of course, I went into the Air Force at seventeen and pursued a more pragmatic event driven life.

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What's your morning ritual?

I wake around 4:30 every morning and have a bowl of cereal with coconut water (not milk) and with various fruits and nuts sprinkled on top. While I'm eating my cereal I catch up on facebook and my emails and check for any interesting you-tube vids.

After breakfast, I go for an hour long walk which puts about 6500 steps onto my fit-bit, and burns over 450 calories. The cereal and walk ensures a good healthy crap before starting the day.

After my walk, I log back into my computer and catch up on facebook, and start whatever study session I am working on.

On most days during the week, my grand-daughter arrives around 7:30am, and I take her to school at 8:30 pm. After the school run, I take Odie (my son's dog) for a half hour walk.

I then return to computer activities until around 10:30am, at which time I go to the gym. I try and run a couple of miles most days. Some days are swim days, and some days are cycling days just to break the gym routine up.

Lunch is usually around 12:30, and normally lunch is my last meal of the day.

Total daily fit-bit steps is around 20k daily.

On diet - Dr Georgia Ede - Diet, health and mental illness

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What are you favorite TV shows?

I currently do not have any favorite TV shows. I liked Travellers on Netflix. I watched the series multiple times. I liked "Stargate Universe". I think the best series I've watched is "Raised by wolves".

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Do you consider yourself an optimist or a pessimist?

I consider myself a pragmatist. Although, I am not at all optimistic about the future.

The tea party and Trump started a process of trashing the rules based international order. This process has continued on under Biden, and has currently, cumulated in the current crisis in Gaza and the wider middle-east.

I see Trump getting re-elected. He is probably right in his thinking that the green party pulls votes from the democrats only. He is probably right in believing his voters do not have a moral compass.

From there, I see two almost inevitable scenarios playing out. I'm not sure which will materialize first.

Scenario 1 - Shortly after the election, I see all-out war between Iran and Israel. The US will engage directly on the side of Israel, and Turkey and Russia will engage on the side of Iran. WW3 will materialise in a matter of hours.

Scenario 2 - If we somehow avert imminent WW3, the rules based order still has no means of re-establishing itself. Israel will continue its genocidal terrorist activities. The break-up of the rules based order will eventually lead to the disintegration of the financial base order (due to a lack of trust) leading to a breakdown in global economic stability, and eventual WW3.

I would like to hear of a more positive future scenario, but I do not see how it can materialise. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out...

I think this youtube vid. describes the dilemma not just for Israel, but for humanity.
Fighting for Humanity and Sanity

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What do you think is key to maintaining a happy relationship?

I'm probably not the best person to ask. I'm really not very good with relationships.

I think an important aspect of any good relationship is "seeing" (empathizing) with others. Also, realising no-one is on your side all the time. Allow for diversity of opinion and attitude.

From a male perspective, in a male/female relationship, realise that women have big hormonal changes monthly, and that women see the world differently than men (in all kinds of areas).

Also, realise that all things pass including relationships, and it's helpful, in forming new relationships, if you leave the past in the past.

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How did you decide when to change jobs?

Life can be event driven, but various influences have often compelled me to consider job or life changes.

They include:-

The project or job I'm working on matures and no longer needs active participation.

The project or job becomes boring.

I do not wish to live where the project or job requires me to live.

My value is not being appreciated and another company is offering substantially better remuneration or conditions.

I have also changed jobs to expand my level of experience and stay competitive in the job market too.

It can be a big decision to change jobs. It's not a decision to be taken lightly or without due consideration of all the possible ramifications.

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Who are your heroes?

I really do not have heroes. There are people I admire, and there are people that I respect.

I'm not going to be specific, but basically, people that make me smarter or people that help me understand I respect.

People that stand on their inner beliefs I admire. I may not necessarily agree, but I appreciate their integrity. There's not much more to be said on the subject...

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What advice would you give someone who's about to go to college?

Keep your eyes on the prize. The goal of college is to learn; and to learn how to learn; and to get some formal acknowledgment that this has been accomplished.

For some, College may seem daunting. You are leaving everything you've known and heading out for the first time on your own. A lot of people are in the same boat. Everyone is getting on with what they need to do. No one is thinking about you. So get on and do what you need to do too - without worrying about what other people think.

One of the best aspects of going to college is meeting new people with widely different views. Enjoy the experience. You may develop strong attractions towards some people. Do not impose yourself on them. This is all new for most. Go with the flow.

From Maya Angelou
"The caged bird sings with a fearful trill, of things unknown, but longed for still, and his tune is heard on the distant hill, for the caged bird sings of freedom"

Do NOT make long term commitments. You are not mature enough yet. - People reach mental maturely in their mid-20s

Some experiences may seem traumatic - Again, these are probably the best years of your life and the most meaningful - be in the moment even when things are not going so well.

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Do you believe in a higher power?

When it comes to "higher power" I do not believe anything. Below is what I think, and hopefully at some time, in the not so distant future, we will know.

Consciousness is not a physical/chemical action. Consciousness is a quantum vibration that resonates primarily in the brain, but also throughout the body. It can be suppressed through anesthesia. The resonance stops when we die.

Quantum entities are subject to quantum entanglements, (a little like magnetism), but quantum entanglements happen instantaneously (faster than the speed of light). We do not understand the nature of quantum entanglement or how all life might be linked together through quantum entanglements, or how space/time might be linked through quantum entanglements or how we may be link to entities beyond our understanding through quantum entanglements. It is beyond our understanding.

Stories of gods - are just that - "stories" - They are often used to manipulate public opinion (often towards evil - as is happening in Israel right now).

If you want to pray, meditate instead, we do not know the nature of our conscious entanglement, but meditation may help towards a better understanding.

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What advice would you give your 20-year old self?

OK, I'm going to do a little-bit of a brain dump here. One, to flesh out this writing, and two, perhaps to save you a lot of wasted mental energy and stress trying to get your head around a lot of concepts which have already been figured out, but are not well recognised in the public domain for various reasons. Four areas are covered here. Yourself, religion, politics, and resilience.

On yourself and your life
"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so"
Shakespeare's - Hamlet.

Play the hand you have as you go through life. Make the best decisions you can with the resources you have available.

Sometimes, you will make good decisions, but may not get the positive results you wished for. The opposite is also true. Sometimes you will make bad decisions, but a lot of positive things will come out of it. You do not know the long game so make the best choices with what is available now, and do not over-think it (re - Shakespeare's quote above).

Understand something fundamental about yourself, and everyone else. People like stories. More truthfully, people need stories. Humanity would not exist without stories. You can think of your personal stories as your ego if you like. Lots of stories go into the make-up of how you see yourself. Some cultural, some religious, many from the experiences of family and friends and many from your own life experiences. While there may be kernels of truth in these stories, the over-arching stories are invariably lies. Do not waste a lot of emotional energy trying to reconcile or defend them. Just see them for what they are and try and focus on your own internal truth and purpose.

As you go through life, let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' be 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one (Matthew 5,37). - Keep this always in mind - especially when people want you to promise or pledge allegiance.

Do the best that you can personally do even if (and more importantly when) those around you do not (be equitable with all). This applies to all aspects of your life, but especially family and work life (Go the extra mile - Matthew 5:41).

You will NOT reach full mental and physical maturity until your mid 20s so do not make long term commitments until this time (i.e. do not get married until you know yourself well enough to make decisions of this magnitude)

Maintain your physical and mental well-being at all times. This is so you can be the best that you can be for yourself and others. Set yourself positive daily routines that optimise your mental and physical health.

Understand Religion - Abrahamic religions
While it is worth-while exploring religion from a theological perspective, do NOT let a religion become a part of your ego. Here are some thoughts or axioms on the subject.

We can say, with a reasonable amount of certainty, that the orthodox narratives are tainted with a great deal of prejudice and political-religious bias.

At the time of Jesus, there were many gods ranging from political gods, to gods that represent the environmental elements and the Cosmos. The Jews (a small minority of people) had their own god which was a jealous, genocidal, fascist god (If in doubt read the old testament and look at historical and current events (for example - what gods' chosen people are doing in Gaza right now).

At the time of Jesus, most people were illiterate. Literacy or anything we would consider an education was reserved for the wealthy and religious/political leaders (Scribes and Pharisees). There was no separation between religion and political or cultural influence and power.

Jesus was ethnically a Semite and a Palestinian. It is hard to know his beliefs because none of the writings about him were actually written by him or people that knew him. We can say with a pretty high degree of certainty that he rejected the Jewish religious community and their god. Jesus was NOT a Christian either. Gnosticism, which was supressed, may have provided a better insight into Jesus rather than our orthodox narrative. I reference Jesus a lot because quotes ascribed to him speak a great deal of truth even to us today.

Jesus talking to the religious Jews:-
John 8,44 You are of your father, the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and doesn't stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks on his own; for he is a liar, and its father.

Jesus was murdered because he exposed "religion and political" leaders (The Zionists of his era) for what they were.

The Abrahamic religions survived primarily because of Jesus and his teachings (through Christianity). His teachings were muddied with Abrahamic religious history and belief perhaps out of ignorance, or perhaps, and more likely, for political reasons - The Romans needed a genocidal god to head their military campaigns.

Re - The Roman emperor Constantine saw a cross of light in the sky above the sun with the Greek words "In hoc signo vinces", which translates to "In this sign conquer".

Islam came into existence as a counter influence and political power to Christianity - Eventually leading to the crusades and the conflicts we have as part of our modern history.

Nowhere in recorded history, or in mythology, can we find god(s) that can be described as empathic or kind to humanity.

The God of Jesus did NOT require elaborate or debasing rituals and did not grant three wishes to those who begged. The God of Jesus was not a god at all, but inner truth.

In other words, live up to the expectations of your inner best self. Not the expectations of some incredulous god, or the expectations of the State - Not even the expectations of your neighbors (or family). Sadly (perhaps because of ego), we all fall short on this.

99% of voting Americans recently endorsed the brutal murder of tens of thousands of children.

Luke 18,16
"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

In 'The Apocyphon of John' (Not in the Bible)
Jesus' description of his god:-
'... He is the invisible Spirit, of whom it is not right to think of him as a god, or something similar. For he is more than a god.'

Replace Spirit, above, with consciousness and perhaps we may have an idea of what Jesus may have believed.

Understanding Politics - Capitalism versus Socialism
A lot can be said about politics, but let summarize by saying, for the most part, the main political parties do not represent your interests so do not be surprised by this and do not allow it to become a part of your ego. This could not be more true today when the political leadership of the US and UK prioritise the interests of Israel above the interests of their own citizens

The two main political camps lean towards capitalism or socialism. You can liken the debate to sports. Should sports be competitive or collaborative? On the one hand, it should be competitive to bring out the best in individuals, and on the other hand it should be collaborative to bring out the best in teams. The most important thing about sports is that it should be fair. All should play by the same rules. The same is true with the Capitalist, Socialist debate. Yes, it's good to compete, but on a level playing field. In other words, we should aim for equality of opportunity for all. Which means the basics (home, heating, food, education, healthcare) should to be available to all. By ensuring the basics (a level playing field) you also ensure the very best competitive results. Do you think Microsoft would exist if the vast majority of people did not receive a free education?

Another thought on politics:-
'Competition is the law of the jungle, but cooperation is the law of civilization'
Peter Kropotkin (1842 - 1921)
I explore the virtues of a right-wing thinking versus a left-wing views a little further in the next section on resilience.

On Resilience.
There's a lot, in the media, on resilience, and on how people should be resilient in the face of current events. So I have added this here.

For many, the essence of resilience can be summed up by this quote from Henry Ford, "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you're right."

But let's explore resilience a little more.

Fyodor Dostoevsky belongs on the top shelf of great novelists and thinkers along with Shakespeare and Tolstoy. His writings are psychologically dark for me, but the essence of what he wrote about is relevant to all that want to understand the nature of resilience. He is described, by many, as a tortured genius.

Dostoevsky came from an aristocratic background, and, in his youth, was considered a mediocre novelist. He was a neurotic shy man - Not the type of person to express an opinion or to engage in normal social interactions.

He joined a social circle for intellectuals. This was common of the era for those of noble back-ground and for writers. His association with the group landed him in a Siberian prison.

Initially, he was in solitary confinement for almost a year, and then he faced a mock execution before being sent off to Siberia for four years.

He lived in squalor with some of the most depraved criminals and illiterate serfs. From many of these he learned that behind the rough exterior there often resided greatness of character and high moral integrity and wisdom.

From the prison guards he learned of man's capacity for evil, and the relationship between evil and power. Too much power over others results in a psychotic cruel nature which Dostoevsky believed was hard to reverse. The prison guards often took delight in inflicting extreme physical and emotional cruelty on the prisoners.

When Dostoevsky was first arrested and placed in solitary confinement, he did not think he would last 3 days, but after being put into the horrid conditions of a Siberian prison, he learned that he could adapt. He realised that humans poses untapped reservoirs of energy and unrealised capacity for resilience, and people can acclimate to the harshest of environments. He realised that, "A good disposition depends on myself alone".

He realised other things too - such as the human need for meaning and purpose. It was impossible to live with no hope, or meaning and purpose.

He learned that "a man is steeled by suffering - comfort and ease are a recipe for weakness and mediocracy". - "Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart".

Upon leaving prison he went on to be one of the worlds' greatest novelists, and he left his neurotic shy disposition behind.

Dostoevsky could not control being sent to prison, but he could control his attitude in prison. People that demonstrate resilience have high levels of belief in themselves and their ability to control their own lives and overcome adversity. They find meaning, purpose and hope even in the darkest of places.

Dostoevsky believed our capacity for resilience improves with our experience of suffering and exercising control of our attitude towards suffering.

In our mundane lives that means self-control. For example, not getting overly upset by day to day misfortunes such as missing the bus, or breaking our favourite dinner plates.

For those that want to take a more vigorous approach to improving resilience it means taking up more challenging activities such as wild winter swimming in either lakes or oceans. Wild winter swimming has become a popular activity amongst many, often retired people. Many believe that activities, such as wild winter swimming, improves both psychological and physiological well-being.

Being resilient also means not letting our current misfortunes define who we are. For example, if you are seriously sick do not start thinking of yourself as a sick person. Stay focused on your core goals, and add getting well to your "to do" list.

Be in control of your own life, but also do not be shy about seeking out support. No man is an island. We are all interdependent. No one does it alone, and often people are happy to help out. It gives their lives meaning and purpose too.

We've talk about the building blocks of being resilient here, but the real essence or corner-stone of resilience is meaning, or purpose, or reason. In other words, without reason, there is no motivation. Without reason, there is no resilience.

A lot of evidence and scientific research (which I will not go into) shows that if we do not have a 'reason to be' we die. Many elderly people just stop eating and starve to death because they feel they have no further purpose. Younger people will often commit suicide, again, for the same reason. Animals are known to just die if they lose their life partner. If we do not have the ability to end our lives we often go insane. Wild animals can go insane too - if they are just left locked in a cage for example.

Dostoevsky survived Siberian imprisonment because he was able to find purpose and meaning with the lives of the other inmates. He developed mutual connectedness or interdependence and friendships with these people. Even though he initially feared and perhaps looked down on them. And this, certainly more so than any individual effort or attributes on his part, helped Dostoevsky find the inner strength or resilience to survive his ordeal.

Interdependence and friendships are the fibres or the life-blood connecting people. Our interdependence gives us reason for being. Our differences can strengthen our relationships by testing the resilience of our interconnectedness. When our connectedness is tested and holds true we gain confidence and comfort in our relationships with others. - And this is the message of Jesus too - love your neighbour - especially if he is different - and go the extra mile.

Many will recognise this line of thinking as being liberal or left wing. In the right-wing media it is often described, derogatorily, as being woke.

Let's explore further.
What about the prison guard's capacity for evil and their delight in inflicting extreme physical and emotional cruelty on the prisoners? Is there any precedence for this in human history? The answer is obviously yes. Our histories are full of stories of this type.

Currently, in Gaza, Israeli soldiers are brutally murdering ten-of-thousands of terrified children. The Israeli media, is justifying and often praising the actions of the soldiers as they rape and torture civilians and prisoners. Many of the soldier's show-off their acts of cruelty on social media, and many of them have large followings.

In the US, the two main political leaders (Biden/Harris and Trump), who could have stop the genocide, have unwavering support for what is happening. Their only concern is about the optics of the situation, and how it may affect their political careers.

AND, shamefully, 99% of voting Americans voted for either Trump or Biden/Harris - further legitimising the genocide.

What about in nature? Is there any precedence for meaningless cruelty in nature? Sadly, yes, but not on the same scale! Orca whales will often play with their prey before deciding if they will eat their victim or not. The same is true of cats as another example.

'Dark Nature', by Lyall Watson, and 'The Selfish Gene', by Richard Dawkins, explore this dark side of nature.

Their research suggest that our genes have a mission of their own and strong sense of self preservation, and this influences our actions. We will give up our own lives for the benefit of our own children. This altruism may extend as far as our own community, but we fear and mistrust those that are not of our group.

We often see those that are not of our community as being 'sub-human' or inferior to ourselves. If we have power over them we will often justify murder or extreme cruelty to those that are different. Simply, we just don't care, and they are a potential threat.

It seems a high percentage of people fall into this category. They can be described as being not self-aware beyond the sphere of their controlling genes. Using modern colloquialism, many people are NOT 'a woke'.

I go more into being self-aware under the question - "What do you think is the meaning of life?"

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What is one of the most memorable road trips you've ever taken?

I have had quite a few major road trips over the years. I'll go with a description of my first major road trip with my first car (my trusty 69 Mustang).

My first major road trip was from Littlerock AFB out to Kelseyville California to visit my father and his family (wife Eed, and daughter Sophie). It was an over 4,000 miles round trip journey mainly along the I-40.

Starting off, it was pretty straight forward. The national speed-limit, at the time, was 55mph. I tried to maintain an average speed between 55 and 60mph. I had my eight-track playing 'Saturday Night Fever' or similar and the AC on perpetually. It's hot along the southern States.

I over-nighted in a Motel somewhere around Oklahoma before moving on towards New Mexico. It became apparent that day-time driving was too hot and perhaps I should try night-time driving. I turned off into a Motel in New Mexico somewhere around mid-afternoon and tried to sleep until it got dark. After getting back on the road around 9pm, I ended up going the wrong direction down the Interstate. It was a little un-nerving seeing lights coming towards me on my side of the road. Luckily I was able to turn around reasonably quickly. That was the first, and last time, that ever happened.

I drove until early morning before rolling into a rest-area somewhere in Arizona and caught a few hours' sleep. The drive across Arizona was long and hot. My car radiator blew somewhere coming into California. Luckily, I was able to hitch a ride with a kindly elderly couple, who were driving a fancy newish Cadillac, to a garage in the next small town. A friendly mechanic drove me back to my car and towed my car back to his garage where he was able to repair the radiator.

Driving north in California along the I-5 was a different kind of driving. I had a lot more traffic to content with. Driving was especially bad going through Sacramento. It seemed everyone was racing around with no lane discipline and very little courtesy towards other drivers.

I turned left at Sacramento and went up into the California Mountains. That, again, was a different kind of driving with little mountain roads many of them quite steep. Mustangs, along with other cars of that ilk and era, are great at driving straight on straight roads, but really struggle on small windy roads, and the brakes on my 69 Mustang were not exactly great either. My dad's place was across a creak and up a dirt track road. The creak and dirt track road may have been fine for a pick-up truck, but was very challenging for a Mustang, but I arrived safely.

My dad's place was an old, rather large, run-down, wooden home built by the family (I believe) some-time in the distant past. My dad and Eed were pretty much as I had remembered from my visit up to Scotland a few years earlier, but Sophie was no-longer a baby. She was a little girl of about 4 years old.

I spent most of my time, during the visit, with Sophie running up and down the side of the mountain to the creak, at the bottom, where we would play in the water and try and catch rather large tad-poles. Sophie was bare-foot most of the time, but had no problem skipping over the rocks at the creak and running up and down the dirt-track paths.

Eed, Sophie and I made a couple of road trips to the coast. Coming back from one of the coastal visits, Eed, jokingly asked Sophie to be quiet. The driver (me) was sleepy - It was pretty funny at the time.

I did not spend much time with my dad (I think he was working most of the time), but I do remember helping him carry rocks to help shore up a dirt track to a plot of land he owned further up the mountain.

I met Ida-Mae my father's mother, and Mark, my father's half-brother, for the first time. Both colourful hill-billy type characters.

The trip back to Littlerock AFB was more straight forward. I was more mentally prepared for the journey. I did pick up a hitch-hiker just as I was leaving California and getting back onto the I-40. He was a 'born again Christian' exploring the United States and visiting various evangelical hot-spots. Religion was, and still is, very big in the US. We made a several hour detour to visit the Grand-Canyon, and the spent the night at an 'Evangelical Book Store'. It seems the key, to the store, was hidden in a well-known location for travellers, and we could spend the night so long as we left early enough so as not to interfere with their day-time business. A short time after, my travelling companion parted ways to head north and I continued east along the I-40.

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What do you mean by inner truth?

Don't over think this.

Inner truth is not your mind. Your mind is weak. It is awash with countless stories that you have about yourself, your family, and those around you. Some of these stories lurk below the surface of your conscious mind, and invariably a lot of these stories are not true.

Inner truth is not your genes. Your genes are selfish. They have a self-serving agenda which is often in conflict with what you know would be intelligent behaviour. Your genes flood your body with a host of chemicals and hormones in order manipulate your actions. They turn on and shut down bodily functionality according to their own agenda, and you have very little influence over their control. You improve your ability for self-control when you become self-ware.

Inner truth is a knowing. It is not something that can be realised through thinking. Sometimes you may be working on a problem that you cannot solve. You go for a long walk, or sleep on it, and all of a sudden you have the answer. Sometimes you can work for days on an issue (or even longer), and then some event will cause the coin to drop and you have the answer you know is right.

Inner truth can also be realised physically when you achieve something that your weak mind and selfish genes would stop you from doing. You just do it in other words.

Inner truth works beyond the influence or interests of the mind and the control of the genes. It is something on top of that. It is your quantum resonance, and quantum entanglement if you like.

People often try meditating to reach inner truth. It is just there though - if you make space and time for it.

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What makes you happy?

Happily playing children makes me very happy.

The brutal, insidious, murder of tens of thousands of terrified children makes me very angry and sad. The fact that these brutal murders were perpetrated by the President, and Congress at the behest of evil Billionaire Zionists and has been endorsed by 99% of voting Americans makes me even more angry, disappointed, and sad...

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What do you think is the meaning of life?

In responding to this, I am going to refer back to what I consider a default position expressed eloquently by Leo Tolstoy, and then expand on it a little. Most of this is also in my book (Where is Home? - under the 'Paul Cottage' pen name). Let's be clear, I am talking about the subject. No-one, at the moment, has answered the question.

Tolstoy uses an analogy of a beggar that is taken off the streets, given food and water and told to move a handle up and down. The beggar at first does not know why he is to work the handle, but once he is compelled to do so, he soon learns that the handle works a pump that waters the fields that grows the crops that provides the farm with bread. Tolstoy further points out that the purpose of a watch could not be determined by taking it apart and examining all the pieces - The watch would simply stop working. He suggests the same is true for life. The meaning of life cannot be found by examining it.

Tolstoy's arguments are reasonable. A watch tells the time. The answer to the purpose of a watch is not in the individual elements.

The purpose of my fingers, now, is to type on this keyboard to produce what I am writing. They do not know their purpose. In fact, it may be better that they do not know. They might rebel. Sheep do not know that their purpose is to become lamb chops. They would not go to the slaughterhouse so willingly otherwise.

My fingers, the sheep, a bee visiting my garden to unquestioningly collect nectar, etc. - All of these do not know enough to question why. They are not self-aware.

Humans are self-aware, and so we ask the question. Since we ask the question, it is reasonable to assume that we are designed to ask the question. We must then assume that a part of our purpose is to solve the question of the meaning of our own existence. One could argue that we would not have the capacity to ask the question otherwise. - (This is also alluded to in the Garden of Eden biblical story and "the tree of the knowledge of good and evil").

One of our main characteristics is our need for stories. These stories limit our ability to ground ourselves in objective truth - (truths about ourselves and the world around us). In other words, objective truth often conflicts with the stories we have about ourselves and our place in our culture. Our stories limits our ability to grow, and ultimately are self-destructive.

The stories we create define the rules and boundaries within which we live. They are our religious or political beliefs, and cultural biases. We also have natural laws by which we live. These are ingrained into our DNA and are passed on from generation to generation. I would like to think that 'inner truth' is also written into our natural laws.

Quoting Shakespeare - 'To thine own self be true'

CS Lewis, in his book 'Mere Christianity', argues that people are inherently good. Historically, I would have agreed with him, but over the past decade+ I have revised my view on this, and I do not necessarily buy this argument any more. It is hard to delineate between what attributes and characteristics we get from nature and which we get from our environment. I would like to think the number of people that are inherently bad is extremely small, and that nurture plays a far bigger role.

It can be said that evil (or humanity's inhumanity to fellow human-beings, or life in general, or to our planet) is an all-consuming blind route to self-annihilation.

Regardless, we are self-aware. We have the capacity for self-control and for self-determination (Or as Morpheus suggests in movie, 'The Matrix' - .Some rules can be bent. Others can be broken.). Looking around, it can be hard to find people exercising self-control or self-determination. This is also alluded to by Morpheus in the Matrix, '.Most people are not ready to be unplugged.' (Including me).

Jesus talking about being self-aware and inner truth - Matthew 7,24 "Everyone therefore who hears these words of mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man, who built his house on a rock. 7,25 The rain came down, the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat on that house; and it didn't fall, for it was founded on the rock. 7,26 Everyone who hears these words of mine, and doesn't do them will be like a foolish man, who built his house on the sand. 7,27 The rain came down, the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat on that house; and it fell, and great was its fall."

Also Jesus - in John 8:31 - "...the truth will set you free."

We can also liken ourselves to cells within our body. Each cell has its own consciousness (quantum resonance), and all of the cells work in harmony (following natural laws) to produce a conscious whole (our body). Cells may die and new cells are born, but the body continues.
Some cells become rouge or cancerous (create their own stories or purpose) and these cells are now in conflict with the body.

Another way of looking at it - Paraphrasing John 1,1 in my own words
1,1 In the beginning was all objective knowledge (an allegory could be DNA sequence), and the knowledge was with universal consciousness, and the knowledge was universal consciousness. 1,2 The same was in the beginning with universal consciousness. 1,3 All things were made through universal consciousness. Without universal consciousness was not anything made that has been made. 1,4 Universal consciousness manifested in life, and the life was realised in the light of men. 1,5 The light shines in the darkness (darkness meaning lack-of-self-awareness - for example - the life of a bee), and the darkness hasn't overcome it.

Some will have noticed a dichotomy in what I am saying. The dichotomy is at the heart of all Abrahamic religions and cultural beliefs. To me, this dichotomy can lead to insanity - Not just for individuals, but for societies too. Two current examples of societal insanity are Israel and the United States - Recently, in the United States:-
99% of voting Americans endorsed genocide
99% of voting Americans voted against the rule of law
99% of voting Americans voted against The Constitution of the United States
99% of voting Americans voted for a lesser evil rather than search out a greater good.
To me, these are not the actions of a sane society.

YouTube vid - Fighting for Humanity and Sanity

This begs the question did Americans vote this way out of 'stupidity' or 'ignorance/insanity'? Stupidity being out of malice and with ill intent, and ignorance (or possibly insanity) -being a lack of understanding.

I would like to think the latter, and I think, if Jesus was still alive, he would like to think the latter too. Jesus while being crucified - Luke 23:34
"...forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

Buddhist's response to this dichotomy is that 'there is no spoon' (again, quoted from the Movie, the Matrix). There is no right or wrong or purpose or meaning. Just the ISness of now. Purpose, meaning, right, or wrong are just constructs of the human mind or of society.

This should not be taken as there is no meaning or purpose. The mind dies without meaning and purpose, and the body cannot survive without the mind (another idea explored in the Movie the Matrix).
It is to say that the mind is weak, and an unresolved or stressed mind detracts or weakens the body's ability to just do.
Or to paraphrase a Russian proverb, "The eyes are afraid, but the hands just do the work."

If we really want to survive (I'm not so sure that we do), then we should consider doing better at being self-aware and taking care of our of ourselves and our planet. On the grand scheme of things, I doubt a universal consciousness is even aware that the planet Earth exists. We are just not that important.

As you might have gleaned from this, our understanding of 'the meaning of life' has not moved forward in the past two thousand years. Perhaps we're still at an embryonic stage of understanding. We have a beating heart but not much else. Or perhaps we're a little further along - As I often say to my grand-daughter 'We (meaning she) are not yet old enough to have this conversation. We would not understand'. I think, at best, we have the minds of captive chimpanzees.

Let's see what happens in the coming decade(s) - now that we are faced with our ultimate self-annihilation, and we also have AI quantum computers.

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